What better way to spend one's freedom than eating chocolate cereal and watching cartoons! -- Calvin He just doesn't want to face up to the fact that I'll be the life of every party. -- Calvin Well of course the zipper's going to get stuck if everyone stands around WATCHING me! -- Calvin I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple. -- Calvin I've got more brains than I know what to do with. -- Calvin Why is it you always rip your pants on the day everyone has to demonstrate a math problem at the chalkboard? -- Calvin I'll be a hulking, surly teen-ager before you know it!! -- Calvin In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks. -- Calvin Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character. -- Calvin Summer vacation started! I can't be sick! -- Calvin These pictures will remind us of more than we want to remember. -- Calvin's Mom In a minute, you and I are going to settle this out of doors. -- Calvin I've got an idea for a sit-com called "Father Knows Zilch." -- Calvin I don't NEED to compromise my principles, because they don't have the slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway. -- Calvin Let's just sit here a moment... and savor the impending terror. -- Calvin Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. -- Calvin I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification. -- Calvin ...That would be pretty cool, if they weren't out to kill me. -- Calvin He piqued my curiosity. -- Calvin I'm a genius. -- Calvin I told her to expect you to deny everything. -- Calvin Oh, now YOU'RE going to start in on me TOO, huh? -- Calvin Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth? -- Calvin But Mom, frogs are our FRIENDS! -- Calvin Who, ME? Who?! Me?? WHO... Me?! Who, me??? -- Calvin They can make me do it, but they can't make me do it with dignity. -- Calvin Hello, local Navy recruitment office? Yes, this is an emergency... -- Calvin Years from now when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat. -- Calvin Aw Mom, you act like I'm not even wearing a bungee cord! -- Calvin You can never really enjoy Sundays because in the back of your mind you know you have to go to school the next day. -- Calvin Oh, what the heck. I'll do it. -- Calvin Physical education is what you learn from having your face in someone's armpit right before lunch. -- Calvin Somebody's always running my life. I never get to do what I want to do. -- Calvin TIME?! I just finished the first problem! -- Calvin I don't like these stories with morals. -- Calvin I don't need to improve! Everyone ELSE does! -- Calvin Why can't I ever build character in a Miami condo or a casino somewhere? -- Calvin It works on the same principle as electroshock therapy. -- Calvin The living dead don't NEED to solve word problems. -- Calvin No one can prove I did that!! -- Calvin The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present. -- Hobbes I don't need to do a better job. I need better P.R. on the job I DO. -- Calvin Everything's gotta have rules, rules, rules! -- Calvin Ha! Wild zontars couldn't drag that information out of me! Do your worst! -- Calvin Do you think God lets you plea bargain? -- Calvin I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world. -- Calvin It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning. -- Calvin It's clear I'll never have a career in sports until I learn to suppress my survival instinct. -- Calvin Mom must've put my cape in the wrong drawer. -- Calvin I don't want to learn this! It's completely irrelevant to my life! -- Calvin If I was being raised in a better environment, I wouldn't do things like that. -- Calvin Wow, how existential can you get? -- Hobbes Like I'm going to get any sleep NOW. -- Calvin Fortunately, that was our plan from the start. -- Calvin I'm so disappointed. -- Calvin These things just seem to happen. -- Calvin I hate being good. -- Calvin I must have been delirious from having so much fun. -- Calvin Another casualty of applied metaphysics. -- Hobbes How many presents do you think I'd forfeit for just one clean smack upside Susie's head? -- Calvin I don't want to be THIS good! -- Calvin Talk about someone easy to exploit! -- Calvin I've got PLENTY of common sense! I just choose to ignore it. -- Calvin I think football is a sport the way ducks think hunting is a sport. -- Calvin I think my cerebellum just fused. -- Calvin I can do that! It's a free country! I've got my rights! -- Calvin OK, there IS a middle ground, but it's for sissy weasels. -- Calvin This game lends itself to certain abuses. -- Calvin Kicking dust is the only part of this game we really like. -- Calvin Hey! What's the matter? Can't you take a joke?! It was a JOKE! -- Calvin ANY idiot can be famous. I figure I'm more the LEGENDARY type! -- Calvin All girls should be shipped to Pluto--that's what I say. -- Calvin If I get a bad grade, it'll be YOUR fault for not doing the work for me! -- Calvin That gives me a FABULOUS idea. -- Calvin Yep, we'd probably be dead by now if it wasn't for Twinkies. -- Calvin What's the matter? Don't you trust your own kid?! -- Calvin That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse. -- Calvin How am I supposed to learn surgery if I can't dissect anything? -- Calvin The surgeon general should issue a warning about playing with girls. -- Calvin You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help. - Calvin I think grown-ups just ACT like they know what they're doing. -- Calvin I don't think that question was very hypothetical at all. -- Calvin It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool. -- Calvin Nobody knows how to pamper like a Mom. -- Calvin I've changed my mind, Hobbes. People are scum. -- Calvin My dreams are getting way too literal. -- Calvin Good gravy, whose side are you on?! -- Calvin You're going to be pretty lonely in the nursing home. -- Calvin Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend. -- Calvin I'm not a vegetarian! I'm a dessertarian. -- Calvin I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts. -- Calvin I always send Grandma a thank-you note right away. ...Ever since she sent me that empty box with the sarcastic note saying she was just checking to see if the Postal Service was still working. -- Calvin It doesn't have a moral, does it? I hate being told how to live my life. -- Calvin My life needs a rewind/erase button. -- Calvin Shut up and go get me some antiseptic. -- Calvin Everybody's a slave to routine. -- Calvin He's just jealous because I accomplish so much more than he does. -- Calvin When you're as far ahead of the class as I am, it doesn't take much time. -- Calvin Can I take an ax to school tomorrow for ... um ... show and tell? -- Calvin It's SUSIE! It's a GIRL! Santa would understand! -- Calvin I wonder what's on TV now. -- Calvin Don't you hate it when your boogers freeze? -- Calvin It COULD'VE happened by accident! -- Calvin There's a connection here, I just know it. -- Calvin Even though we're both talking english, we're not speaking the same language. -- Calvin It's like SOMEthing... I just can't think of it. -- Calvin I take it there's no qualifying exam to be a Dad. -- Calvin I sure like summer vacation. -- Calvin Some people just don't have inquisitive minds. -- Calvin I never get to do anything fun. -- Calvin Mom would be a lot more fun if she was a little more gullible. -- Calvin I stand FIRM in my belief of what's right! I REFUSE to compromise my principles! -- Calvin The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it. -- Hobbes Philistines. -- Calvin You're just trying to get RID of me, aren't you? -- Calvin They say winning isn't everything, and I've decided to take their word for it. -- Calvin When I want an editorial, I'll ASK for it! -- Calvin I don't think math is a science, I think it's a religion. -- Calvin It must be sad being a species with so little imagination. -- Calvin You just can't ever be too careful. -- Calvin He doesn't complain, but his self-righteousness sure gets on my nerves. -- Calvin Oh, now don't YOU start on me. -- Calvin We don't ATTEND parties, we just CRASH 'em. -- Calvin Hello, I'm wondering if you sell kegs of dynamite. -- Calvin At times like these, all Mom can think of is how long she was in labor with me. -- Calvin I like Mom to be impressed when I fulfill the least of my obligations. -- Calvin Is it too much to ask for an occasional token gesture of appreciation?! -- Calvin Please tell me I'm adopted. -- Calvin I keep forgetting that rules are only for little nice people. -- Calvin I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track. -- Calvin I'm writing you a message in code. How do you spell "nincompoop"? -- Calvin Pitiful. Just pitiful. -- Calvin I sure wish I could get my hands on some REAL dynamite. -- Calvin Whatever it is, it's driving me crazy! -- Calvin I wonder if I can grow fangs when my baby teeth fall out. -- Calvin Life's a lot more fun when you're not responsible for your actions. -- Calvin My "C-" firmly establishes me on the cutting edge of the avant-garde. -- Calvin Well, it's all a question of perspective. -- Calvin Archaeologists have the most mind-numbing job on the planet. -- Calvin See, it all makes sense. See? See?? They never see. -- Calvin Hmph. -- Calvin Oh yeah? You just wait! -- Calvin This is going to be a long year. -- Calvin The hardest part for us avant-garde post-modern artits is deciding wether or not to embrace commercialism. -- Calvin I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog! -- Calvin